The occult and practicing magick can have its drawbacks too; a magician that deals with summoning and dealing with energy can experience negative things such as a whole slew of mental negative emotions, e.g. anxiety, depression, fear, self-loathing, disgust and so on. Doesn’t have to be the case, but it is more often than not. It’s similar to athletes and how they frequently experience broken bones, torn tendons and muscles and so on; They ache physically, and a magician can ache mentally. You need to be strong as a mage and when I say strong, I mean Iron Man levels of strong. If you’re not, then you better become so quickly if you don’t want to lose your mind, because that is a definite possibility. One can drown in astral waters, so learn how to swim and stay afloat.
My personality is of such a nature that I have karmic vibes, thereby meaning that if I perform heavy operations (which I am non-stop pretty much) I feel the burn mentally. As is the case at the moment, I wake up every morning bombarded my thoughts of anger, hate, and vengefulness towards my enemies more or less. Neurosis and self-delusive thoughts hit me from time to time like waves, but I am able to manage them. As the saying goes, no pain no gain. Being a magician is not all getting what you want via ritual and not having to endure any negative side-effects. There is nothing that can be done about this, as this is who I am to the core as my natal chart clearly displays. This also applies in general. I don’t mind because I’m aware of all of this. I am willing to go through whatever lengths I need to go through in order to become stronger. It’s all or nothing.